Love or Infatuation

This was given to me by a friend and is something that I thought was worth sharing... I hope you will read it. This chapter gives you 12 test to show you the difference between love and infatuation. I thought it was really good...
It is from a book called: Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships
(Chp. 5: How to know if your in love)
Please note: All of this is directly from the author, all I did was cut and paste.

Twelve Tests of Love:

1. Test of Time
-Love benefits and grows through time; infatuation ebbs and diminishes with time. We can fall into infatuation, we can fall into lust, but we most truthfully grow into love. Love develops out of relationship and caring and core personal character traits, not our instant impression or perception of another person. Infatuation can explode at any moment, but real love takes time.

2. Test of Knowledge
- Love grows out of an appraisal of all the known characteristics of the other person. Infatuation may grow out of an acquaintance with only one of these characteristics known about the other person. Love longs to know well. Love wants to study the other person's needs, desires, dreams, and hopes because it want to do everything to make them a reality. Love is interested, not in what it can get, but in what it can give. Infatuation quickly decides it knows everything it needs to know, Genuine love creates an atmosphere of such interest that the other person opens like a flower.

3. Test of Focus
- Genuine love is other-person centered. Infatuation is self-centered. In your most important relationships, to what degree is your attention focused on what you are receiving from them and to what degree is your attention focused on meeting the other's needs?

4. Test of Singularity
-Genuine love is focused on only one person. An infatuated individual may be "in love" with two or more persons simultaneously.
-Circumstances, changes, and mistakes add up to make relationships an enterprise of ongoing work.
- One of the side effects of stale times in a marriage is vulnerability to infatuation. The great majority of affairs rarely occur solely on the basis of physical attraction. They usually start out with a little chemistry during a time of vulnerability. But families break up because very good, godly people confuse infatuation with love and make foolish decisions. If you don't know the difference between infatuation and love, you'll destroy others' lives and your own.

5. Test of Security
-Genuine love requires and fosters a sense of security and feelings of trust. Security grows and flows out of deep awareness of the other person's character, values, and track record. You know who he or she really is. And when you know who they really are, you trust them. You are not jealous because you know their heart is yours. Jealousy is often a sign of a lack of trust, and a lack of trust is usually a sign of infatuation in real life.

6. Test of Work
- An individual in love works for the other person, for his or her mutual benefit. By contrast, an infatuated person loses his or her ambition, appetite, and interest in everyday affairs. When you love someone, you have an accurate appraisal of the relationship and you work at it. Infatuation lives off the relationship; love builds into the relationship.

7. Test of Problem Solving
-A couple in love faces problems frankly and tries to solve them. Infatuated people tend to disregard or try to ignore problems. Genuine love, contrary to popular belief, isn't blind. It sees very clearly. Infatuation, on the other side, exists almost completely in the dark.

8. Test of Distance
-Love knows the importance of distance. Infatuation imagines love to be intense closeness. 24/7, all the time. If there is not a sense of separateness, a distinct life, relationships with other people, and healthy balance, then the relationship is probably a lot more infatuation than it is love. Because genuine love is not based just on emotions, some distance will often let you know what it really in your heart.

9. Test of Physical Attraction
- Physical attraction is a relatively small part of genuine love, but it is the central focus of infatuation. Let's not make genuine love so spiritual that we deny reality and God's Word. Sexual attraction definitely has a part in love. However, our culture tells us that to take the shortest and quickest route to sexual fulfillment as the best way to find love. But that route is a destructive detour. By leaving out the other two foundational components of giving love and friendship love, we miss much of the fullness and sustainable aspects of physical attraction. Genuine love requires all three kinds of love, but physical attraction takes relatively smaller role when a couple is building a healthy relationship. Infatuation, however, makes physical attraction the very test of love itself. In infatuation, direct, continual, physical contact tends to be an end in and of itself. Time together requires only pleasurable experiences. Infatuation tends to produce a relationship that attempts to exist on the emotional equivalent of a continual sugar rush. People in genuine love aren't trying to get their own lustful fulfillment. Their words and actions tell the other, "I have your best interests in mind."
-What we have in our day is just the opposite. People are bonding physically before they even know each other and then trying to work through all the struggles that get bypassed along the way. The results are disastrous. People get wounded. Relationships disintegrate. People learn not to trust--the very foundation needed for love to grow.

10. Test of Affection
-In love affection is expressed later in the relationship, involving the external expression of the physical attraction. In infatuation affection is expressed earlier, sometimes at the very beginning. Affection tends to push toward greater and greater physical intimacy. It gives the appearance of making the relationship "close", but the closeness is artificial and fragile. When affection flows out of deep understanding and growing friendship, it gains in meaning and value.

11. Test of Stability
-Love tends to endure. Infatuation may change suddenly and unpredictably. Real love is stable. There is commitment. The best way to test stability in a new relationship comes through knowing that person in the context of his or her other relationships (parents, friends, and siblings).

12. Test of Delayed Gratification
- A couple in genuine love is not indifferent to the timing of their wedding, but they do not feel an irresistible drive toward it. An infatuated couple tends to feel an urge to get married--instantly. As you enter into a potentially serious relationship, ask yourself if your pace is based in fear or faith. Is your pace based on anxiety over deprivation and physical drives, or is your pace the result of a desire for careful and thorough preparation for marriage?

Conclusion

Love in a lasting relationship is not a long, gradual decline from the peak of our heady initial romance. Lasting love is more like standing where the ocean meets the shore--the waves keep coming in. Not every wave of emotion is the same, and that turns out to be very interesting and exciting. But it takes time and commitment to discover the wonder of a lasting relationship. Yes, the waves and tides ebb and flow. But when we know what love really is, we know that the waves and the tide will return. Work through the relational issues and enjoy the varied sounds and passions of the crashing or softly lapping surf. Too many people walk away from relationships without ever getting their feet wet!

Many people make the mistake of thinking that real love is like a swimming pool--something they fall or jump into. Rather than having the dynamic and varied experience of the oceanfront love, they leap right into the deep end of the pool, thinking that strong feelings, light-headed-ness, and physical attraction must be sure signs of love. They discover sooner or later that a great desire to swim doesn't mean much if we've never learned how to swim.

No guaranteed tomorrow...

I was in a motorcycle accident Friday Night (Aug.24). I was riding with my friend Bill and a couple of his friends down Monticello Road around 8:15 - 8:20 at night. Bill and I were leading the pack going about 60mi/hr in a 55 when a dog ran out about 10 feet in front of us and stopped. We hit it right down the middle. I remember the dog yelping and seeing myself flying into the oncoming traffic side of the road. I can remember hitting my head repeatedly with each roll and seeing head lights with each flip. Later on I discovered that I had actually flipped over 120 yards down the road (that's a football field- Go Colts!) . I stayed conscious by God's grace and ran off the road as soon as I came to a halt. I learned after the fact that that saved me from being run over by one of the other riders. That night God spared my life. He has ordained my days and that was not it. There is no other explanations than that. I have no broken bones or bruises I have road rash down my right arm and that is it. Praise God!!

....
I work at a small personal training studio with a staff of about 11. We are like a family. We love and care about each other very much. Sunday night (Sept 3) one of my friends and co-workers Kari Smith was killed in a boating accident. She was an absolutely beautiful girl with a curious smile and a warm face. She was a sweetheart and would do any thing for you in a minute. However, she was unsure of her faith and God.

We closed the gym for a day out of respect for Kari and then had to continue on. It was so weird to train and her not be there, to break down and have to push through the tears. To have clients come in who are broke too and keep them motivated. Situations like these I praise God for the strength and the peace that He gives me for I couldn't do it without Him.

...
Life is short. We only get one. I completely believe that God is all sovereign and He has ordained our days. Friday was not my day but for some reason only known to God at this present moment it was Kari's. God is good and I know that to be true. He will be glorified through her death. Life sucks sometimes and their is no getting around it. However, I hope and pray that we come to the realization that everyday and every breath is a gift. Our maker has created us to bring HIM glory and to enjoy Him. Who are we living for... Ourselves or God??

God thank you for giving me your strength. Help me to continue to trust you!

Okay here's an update...

- Friday: I went with some friends to hear Jeremy Camp... It was amazing. To be completely honest I was blown away at the number of songs that I knew, but yet didn't know they were his. However, I am now a huge fan. Jeremy was real and transparent. The whole concert was extremely refreshing.
* He challenged us to soften our hearts.

- Saturday: I helped the family clean the house. It amazed me as I cleaned how easy it is for me to clean other peoples places and find joy in it and how grudgingly I clean my parents house. Then I started thinking about all the mission trips I have been on and all the manual labor I have done. Why can I work my tail end off for a stranger but wrestle with helping my dad dig a foundation (for a cement pad that is intended for my dog). Later on that day I went to a wedding with my friend Paul it was a lot of fun. However, God really convicted me on my judgemental heart. I worry so much about what other people are doing and not where their heart is. I get so caught up in doing what is right and not on where my heart is. I have become complacent and self righteous. How did I get here again. I am such a Pharisee.
* God please soften this selfish heart.

- Sunday: I bought my Daddy a BB gun for Father's Day. He loved it. My dad and my dog, Toby went squirrel hunting all morning before church.

Church was incredible this morning. It was on having a compassionate heart for the poor, orphans, widows, and others who are in need and being a living sacrifice. Later on I went to Midtown Fellowship and the message their dovetailed with the one I heard this morning. It was about living out compassion. Letting God be Lord of your heart and wealth. God reminded me of the heart he gave me. I don't want to be rich. I don't want a fancy house or even a nice car. I don't want to live comfortably. I just want to serve others. I want to help those who can't help themselves. For the first time in a while I have started to really question my current career choice. So today I started looking into helping at some homeless shelters. Who knows. God does... and I will rest in that.
* Praying for Compassion.

Oh... P.S. I finally got rid of Facebook. It was hard but I just had to. I was wasting way to much time and stalking friends.

... No more roller coasters... I am tired of trying to figure it all out. Its in God's hands and whatever happens. Happens.

God of Suffering

... I have really been struggling with God suffering. I know that He does.. I know our sin makes him sad and believe He suffered greatly when he endured the cross and when his children turn their gaze from Him. But He is God... I think sometimes I just slip into believing that suffering is a sign of weakness but its not at all. Its a sign of strength. But I think a lot of people have that same misconception... that "How can the God of the universe fill pain or suffer", because wouldn't that show that we have power over him if we can cause Him pain??? NO... because He endured the sufferings and overcame them. We know that He victorious, for he has already overcame death. His suffering shows LOVE AND MERCY and GRACE.
One of my friends explained it as a parent with their child. The parent bore that child (created it) and loves the child wholeheartedly but when the child begins to walk even though the parent knows the child will walk one day. He rejoices when it happens. And he knows that their with be days when his child rebels against him but when it happens it still causes pain and still hurts. God knew that he was going to send Jesus to die on the cross for our sins, it was apart of His will. But it he still suffered with His son. He knows our sins before we do them but when we do them its still makes him sad.

I praise God for not wiping me out for daily causing Him pain and suffering. God you are my Creator, Maker, Savior, Redeemer, and Father. Help me be willing to suffer you.

Let all that I am praise the Lord!

Psalm 103

Let all that I am praise the Lord;
with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
Let all that I am praise the Lord;
may I never forget the good things he does for me.
He forgives all my sins
and heals all my diseases.
He redeems me for death
and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
He fills my life with good things.
My youth is renewed like the eagle's!

The Lord give righteousness
and justice to all who are treated unfairly

He revealed his character to Moses
and his deeds to the people of Israel.
The Lord is compassionate and merciful,
slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
He will not constantly accuse us,
nor remain angry forever.
He does not punish us for all our sins;
he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
He has removed our sins as far from us
as the east is from the west.
The Lord is like a father to his children,
tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
For he knows how weak we are;
he remembers we are only dust.
Our days on earth are like grass;
like wildflowers, we bloom and die.
The wind blows, and we are gone--
as though we had never been here.
But the love of the Lord remains forever
with those who fear him.
His salvation extends to the children's children
of those who are faithful to his covenant.
of those who obey his commandments!

The Lord has made the heavens his throne;
from there he rules over everthing.

Praise the Lord, you angels,
you might ones who carry out his plans,
listening for each of his commands.
Yes, praise the Lord, you armies of angels
who serve him and do his will!
Praise the Lord, everything he has created,
everything in all his kingdom.

LET ALL THAT I AM PRAISE THE LORD!!!

Somethings has got to give...

I put this picture here because this is so often my attitude. It's all about me.

...Today has been on of those days that you realize how poopy you really are. It's one of those days that you become completely aware of your sin and selfishness. One of those days that you see every area that you are lacking and wish for the sake of everyone around you that you could just leave.

When I woke up this morning I looked back over the "excellent lover" entry and was disgusted at how many "I"s , "me"s, and "my"s were in it. 19 "I"s ... 11 "me"s... and 6 "my"s. The first thing that one needs to learn about becoming and excellent lover is that their can't be any I's, me's or my's . It has to be all Him and all about them.

Sorry for being selfish! Thanks for still loving me!

p.s. Some of the words are underlined and if different colors... but I don't know why and I couldn't get it to change.

Excellent Lover

Yesterday, I realized something while talking about life and where I feel God is individually calling me. I realized that God has given me a lot of different gifts and abilities. He has made me good at a lot of different things but their is nothing that I do excellent. I try, and try, and I do my best or at least strive to, but there is nothing that would make anyone look at what I have done and say, "ohhh wow that is excellent!". If they do, God must have temporarily blinded their eyes. However, I long to do at least one thing with excellence. As I was thinking about what I could do, God really hit me over the head with just strive to love Him excellently. I want to be an "Excellent Lover". I want to love the Lord and be obedient, I want to love people with the same grace, mercy, and truth that God has called us to love. I want to love the wealthy, the independent, the needy, the poor, the gays, the lesbians, the outcasts, the incrowds, the persecutors of the church, the saints, the elderly, the young, my peers, my enemies, my family, and friends. I want to love them with the same grace and the same mercy that my father shows me. I want to love them when they encourage me and uplift me, when they curse me and wound me. I want to love them when I have plenty and when I have nothing but my heart to give. And when people remember me I dont want them to see me but to see that she loved like He loved her, with excellence.

Tri- "cheese sandwich"-athlon

Bekah and Me

Bekah Brett Me

We might have eaten a cheese sandwich during the race but at least we finished!!!

Today was a monumental day.... why? because it was the day that I completed my first of hopefully many triathlons. I participated in the Lake Murray Sprint Triathlon on Dreher Island it consisted of a 750 meter swim, 16 mile bike ride, and ended with a 5k run. Bekah, one of my new kindred spirits and best friends did the race with me. She is simply one of the most amazing people I have ever met. We decided a month ago on a whim that we were going to do the race and then began our 5:oo am training, which was insane but so amazing.

The race was incredible as well as exhausting. However, one thing is for sure... Bekah and I would have never made it through without the help of our wonderful coach and friend, Brett Looker, our family support, the much needed and prayed over pregame poop, and finding strength to complete the race through talking to our heavenly Father all the way throughout it.

It was neat to see so many people who had no clue who each other were spurring one another on. My daddy came to cheer me on and seeing him at every transition really did help keep me going. I love him so much. He has always been one of my biggest supports and encourager's.

* on a side note* I took a 3hour nap today in my parents bed, which I used to do when I was in high school after big soccer tournaments. I would lay in their bed and listen to them talk and laugh as I fell asleep.. usually I would wake up to the same sweet sound. Today.. was no different than the past except the sound was so much sweet than I could ever remember it. I stayed in bed for probably another 20 minutes just listening and praising God for moments like these!

simply my duty

Luke 17: 7-10 "When a servant come in from plowing or taking care of sheep, does his master say, 'Come in and eat with me'? No, he says, 'Prepare my meal, put on your apron, and serve me while I eat. Then you can eat later.' And does the master thank the servant for doing what he was told to do? Of course not. In the same way, when you obey me you should say, 'We are unworthy servants who have simply done our duty.'"

Holy moly... I read this passage this morning during my quite time and just felt convicted to no end. Why? Because so often times this is not my attitude. I am constantly seeking a thank you, constantly seeking praise. I long to serve to get a pat on the back or a job well done. So many times the motivations of my heart are selfish and not of a true servant. What if we were to serve God wholeheartedly without ever wanting or expecting a reward ever... not here and not in heaven. what if we just served because WE LOVED HIM THAT MUCH!! Because don't we serve thinking well at least if no one here thanks me my treasure is still in Heaven? I know I do...

Flash Back!

Okay so this morning as I was sitting on the can contemplating life, I decided to pick up an old journal and read it. The first page I opened to was an entry I wrote a year ago to the week.

5/11 "It's been forever since I have written anything down: any thoughts, problems, or praises. If I am to be honest with myself it is probably a lot of the reason my head hurts and nothing makes sense. I graduated this past Saturday and I hugged and kissed all of my best friends goodbye! I miss them all... but I miss someone more, someone who never leaves me and is always right there. I miss talking w/ my Savior, reading and growing in knowledge of his word and being humbled by it daily. I have been in a funk for 9 months. And I can't take it any longer. God, I pray that you will humble this unwilling and unfaithful heart. Teach me your ways! I am so scared about what the future holds, I am so scared to take a step. I pray that you would take my fear of failure and help me trust in you. I pray you would take this prideful heart and humble it (even if that means crushing it). God thank you for your faithfulness and help me to listen and be obedient to you. Help me to become a warrior of prayer that cries out to you during the day and night. Help me to have faith and trust. I know that I ask for a lot... but Lord you know you don't have to give me anything and could take away everything but if you do go that route. I hope that I am like your servant Job, who although he lost everything he still worshipped you. God teach me to love you like that."

I love journaling even though I don't do it nearly enough.. but its so amazing to look an see where we once were and sometimes still are. God has brought me through a wasteland this year and into a place of milk an honey. He always provides! He always renews! and He always loves faithfully! ... My heart is still unfaithful at times but it is now willing. It still fears but it is now trusting. It still wanders but it is always held by the Maker. It is still selfish but it is learning humility and what it means to serve. It is still judgemental but it is learning grace. It is forever needing improvement but it is now striving.

... The cutest thing.

Okay... so this is my newphew Gabriel Owen Townsend. He just recently had his first birthday and he is by far the cutest thing. This past Sunday, May 6th he was dedicated at Northside Baptist church.

I love watching Gabe because he is still seeing most everything for the first time. Every noise is new. Every flower is intriguing. He wants to touch, stare, and taste everything that he can. There is nothing that he takes for granted because he has only known them for a short time. He gets excited about empty boxes, balloons, and tissue paper. He laughs at a surprised face, or goofy movement. He watches everything you do... so he knows how to hug and how to say no. He knows how to zurbert and how to clap. He knows when he rebels and he knows how to show you love.

Its amazing to me, how much I love this little boy and yet he is not even mine. Its scary to me to think that he watches my every movement and mimics my behavior. It challenges me how he takes nothing for granted and finds joy in everything and it is my desire to faith like a child.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight life a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

Fear and Trembling

God calls us in Philippians 2:12 to continue to work out our salvation with fear and trembling.

I have been a believer... or I guess you could say God's been working out my salvation for as long as I can remember. I grew up under amazing pastors/teachers of God's word and parents who took their role of binding the Word of God to their children's hearts very seriously. In all these things, I praise God for the blessing of allowing me to know Him and be rooted in Him at a very young age.

However, since I supposedly new all the right answers from memory and some from heart, I feared asking questions. To me, to question meant that I didn't love God enough or that I didn't believe God enough. To raise tough questions meant, in my thinking at the time, that I must not really be a believer.... so for years I just ignored the hard questions and refused to question anything... and all answers were just what I knew I was suppose to say. Then, I went to college, and my whole world started to shatter with different life struggles. During this time I decided to switch majors to Christian Ministries, thinking that it would be safe and encouraging to my faith (I didn't do it for that reason alone but I thought it couldn't hurt). Unfortunately or maybe fortunately every professor decided to play devils avocate. I began to question everything that I ever believed, every scripture, my own heart, and even the very truths of God. It was a hard time but an extremely fruitful one in hind sight.

See, I believe God wants us to ask tough questions. I believe no matter how long we know Him, He always wants us to ask questions about Him. Because it is in these question that we learn more about His character and it is through wrestling with our Creator that we see how small we actually are in comparison to Him. It is the same with every relationship the more you seek to know about a person the closer you get them. The more I ask God questions and seek His Word ( His truth) the more intimate and in love I become with Him, and the more He opens my eyes to His beauty and grace.

Higher Ways!

Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Today has just been one of those good yet frustrating days. You know the kind, when your mind is running wild and you can't shut it off. When you are full of questions and lacking answers... and the only answers God gives, seem to lack our worldly satisfaction.

For example... I have been reading through Numbers and Deuteronomy the last couple of weeks and have come to the part where God has finally given the Israelites the go ahead to take over the promise land of Canaan. God has appointed Joshua the leader/ commander over the Israelites and has commanded them to completely wipe out 7 NATIONS of people, killing all men, women, and children (We are talking about 7 nations that are each larger and stronger than the Israelite nation... we are talking 100's of 1000's of people here). This is not a suggestion but a command by God and when it is not followed to a "T", the Israelites are punished. Now here is a question that I continually get asked and have been wrestling with myself "we call God loving but how could a loving God kill Innocent children, or wipe out whole nations"? God somewhat answers this question in Deuteronomy 7. I challenge you to please go to this scripture and read it for yourselves b/c it is good, tough, but good and I cannot do its explanation justice. The reasons for killing all the people :

1. God commanded it! Deut. 7:3
   
2. God is a Holy God!
   
3. These nations were wicked and worshipped false gods. If the children were spared they would have grown up to hate Israel and God for what He commanded them to do to their parents and would have tried to destroy the Israelites.
   
4. Children of Israel would have been lead away to worship false gods if they would have spared anyone. Then, God would have destroyed Israelites too. Deut 7:4
   
5. God is God and we are not. Who are we to question the methods of our Maker. Yet, even though we question He shows us mercy to understand even though maybe not fully.
   

Why did God spare the Israelites? Were they not wicked and turn away multiple times? Why did he continue to spare them from His wrath and not others?

1. They were God's chosen people. Deut 7:6-8 Why? " The Lord did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other people, for you were the fewest of all peoples. But its was because the Lord loved you..." But why did God love them? Because He choose to.
   
2. God saved the Israelites because he had made and oath with Abraham Deut. 7:8-9. God is faithful to His word.
   
3. There is nothing that they did to merit that love... there is NOTHING that WE DO to MERIT HIS LOVE. God calls the Israelites to follow His commands and to love Him wholeheartedly and He will bless them and keep His covenant of love for a 1,000 generations. (1,000 in the Bible is a number that symbolizes completion... I believe that is what God is saying here as well. That I will carry out His covenant till the end.)
   

I know that these aren't the best answers and don't even begin to answer all the questions but.... for some reason in my own heart they bring some clarity. God is not just a God of love but also He is a just and holy God. We cannot understand Him because we can not understand Him with our finite minds. Wrath and Love don't mix. Justice and Grace/ Mercy don't mix. However, our God is all of them.

I'm New

... Okay soo I am extremely new at this, but I had a very wise and smart person tell me that it would be beneficial for me to journal my thoughts down soo here goes nothing.

P.S. (I don't think you can P.S at the begining can you? ) well this is my blog and I do what I want.

P.S.S. I'm NEW!


There is soo much I want to write that I don't even know where to begin. I guess I will start with telling you alittle about who I am and where I am at in life (not location wise of course).

My name is Mary. I am 23 years old and I am in that weird transition period of just graduating from college/ getting thrown into the work force/ moving back home and coming out of a 2 yr slum in my relationship with God in which He has renewed my love, passion and desire to seek after Him.

I would love to talk more but I really have to go... I will write soon. Forgive this first one... I'm New!