Okay here's an update...

- Friday: I went with some friends to hear Jeremy Camp... It was amazing. To be completely honest I was blown away at the number of songs that I knew, but yet didn't know they were his. However, I am now a huge fan. Jeremy was real and transparent. The whole concert was extremely refreshing.
* He challenged us to soften our hearts.

- Saturday: I helped the family clean the house. It amazed me as I cleaned how easy it is for me to clean other peoples places and find joy in it and how grudgingly I clean my parents house. Then I started thinking about all the mission trips I have been on and all the manual labor I have done. Why can I work my tail end off for a stranger but wrestle with helping my dad dig a foundation (for a cement pad that is intended for my dog). Later on that day I went to a wedding with my friend Paul it was a lot of fun. However, God really convicted me on my judgemental heart. I worry so much about what other people are doing and not where their heart is. I get so caught up in doing what is right and not on where my heart is. I have become complacent and self righteous. How did I get here again. I am such a Pharisee.
* God please soften this selfish heart.

- Sunday: I bought my Daddy a BB gun for Father's Day. He loved it. My dad and my dog, Toby went squirrel hunting all morning before church.

Church was incredible this morning. It was on having a compassionate heart for the poor, orphans, widows, and others who are in need and being a living sacrifice. Later on I went to Midtown Fellowship and the message their dovetailed with the one I heard this morning. It was about living out compassion. Letting God be Lord of your heart and wealth. God reminded me of the heart he gave me. I don't want to be rich. I don't want a fancy house or even a nice car. I don't want to live comfortably. I just want to serve others. I want to help those who can't help themselves. For the first time in a while I have started to really question my current career choice. So today I started looking into helping at some homeless shelters. Who knows. God does... and I will rest in that.
* Praying for Compassion.

Oh... P.S. I finally got rid of Facebook. It was hard but I just had to. I was wasting way to much time and stalking friends.

... No more roller coasters... I am tired of trying to figure it all out. Its in God's hands and whatever happens. Happens.

God of Suffering

... I have really been struggling with God suffering. I know that He does.. I know our sin makes him sad and believe He suffered greatly when he endured the cross and when his children turn their gaze from Him. But He is God... I think sometimes I just slip into believing that suffering is a sign of weakness but its not at all. Its a sign of strength. But I think a lot of people have that same misconception... that "How can the God of the universe fill pain or suffer", because wouldn't that show that we have power over him if we can cause Him pain??? NO... because He endured the sufferings and overcame them. We know that He victorious, for he has already overcame death. His suffering shows LOVE AND MERCY and GRACE.
One of my friends explained it as a parent with their child. The parent bore that child (created it) and loves the child wholeheartedly but when the child begins to walk even though the parent knows the child will walk one day. He rejoices when it happens. And he knows that their with be days when his child rebels against him but when it happens it still causes pain and still hurts. God knew that he was going to send Jesus to die on the cross for our sins, it was apart of His will. But it he still suffered with His son. He knows our sins before we do them but when we do them its still makes him sad.

I praise God for not wiping me out for daily causing Him pain and suffering. God you are my Creator, Maker, Savior, Redeemer, and Father. Help me be willing to suffer you.

Let all that I am praise the Lord!

Psalm 103

Let all that I am praise the Lord;
with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
Let all that I am praise the Lord;
may I never forget the good things he does for me.
He forgives all my sins
and heals all my diseases.
He redeems me for death
and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
He fills my life with good things.
My youth is renewed like the eagle's!

The Lord give righteousness
and justice to all who are treated unfairly

He revealed his character to Moses
and his deeds to the people of Israel.
The Lord is compassionate and merciful,
slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
He will not constantly accuse us,
nor remain angry forever.
He does not punish us for all our sins;
he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
He has removed our sins as far from us
as the east is from the west.
The Lord is like a father to his children,
tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
For he knows how weak we are;
he remembers we are only dust.
Our days on earth are like grass;
like wildflowers, we bloom and die.
The wind blows, and we are gone--
as though we had never been here.
But the love of the Lord remains forever
with those who fear him.
His salvation extends to the children's children
of those who are faithful to his covenant.
of those who obey his commandments!

The Lord has made the heavens his throne;
from there he rules over everthing.

Praise the Lord, you angels,
you might ones who carry out his plans,
listening for each of his commands.
Yes, praise the Lord, you armies of angels
who serve him and do his will!
Praise the Lord, everything he has created,
everything in all his kingdom.

LET ALL THAT I AM PRAISE THE LORD!!!

Somethings has got to give...

I put this picture here because this is so often my attitude. It's all about me.

...Today has been on of those days that you realize how poopy you really are. It's one of those days that you become completely aware of your sin and selfishness. One of those days that you see every area that you are lacking and wish for the sake of everyone around you that you could just leave.

When I woke up this morning I looked back over the "excellent lover" entry and was disgusted at how many "I"s , "me"s, and "my"s were in it. 19 "I"s ... 11 "me"s... and 6 "my"s. The first thing that one needs to learn about becoming and excellent lover is that their can't be any I's, me's or my's . It has to be all Him and all about them.

Sorry for being selfish! Thanks for still loving me!

p.s. Some of the words are underlined and if different colors... but I don't know why and I couldn't get it to change.

Excellent Lover

Yesterday, I realized something while talking about life and where I feel God is individually calling me. I realized that God has given me a lot of different gifts and abilities. He has made me good at a lot of different things but their is nothing that I do excellent. I try, and try, and I do my best or at least strive to, but there is nothing that would make anyone look at what I have done and say, "ohhh wow that is excellent!". If they do, God must have temporarily blinded their eyes. However, I long to do at least one thing with excellence. As I was thinking about what I could do, God really hit me over the head with just strive to love Him excellently. I want to be an "Excellent Lover". I want to love the Lord and be obedient, I want to love people with the same grace, mercy, and truth that God has called us to love. I want to love the wealthy, the independent, the needy, the poor, the gays, the lesbians, the outcasts, the incrowds, the persecutors of the church, the saints, the elderly, the young, my peers, my enemies, my family, and friends. I want to love them with the same grace and the same mercy that my father shows me. I want to love them when they encourage me and uplift me, when they curse me and wound me. I want to love them when I have plenty and when I have nothing but my heart to give. And when people remember me I dont want them to see me but to see that she loved like He loved her, with excellence.