Love or Infatuation

This was given to me by a friend and is something that I thought was worth sharing... I hope you will read it. This chapter gives you 12 test to show you the difference between love and infatuation. I thought it was really good...
It is from a book called: Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships
(Chp. 5: How to know if your in love)
Please note: All of this is directly from the author, all I did was cut and paste.

Twelve Tests of Love:

1. Test of Time
-Love benefits and grows through time; infatuation ebbs and diminishes with time. We can fall into infatuation, we can fall into lust, but we most truthfully grow into love. Love develops out of relationship and caring and core personal character traits, not our instant impression or perception of another person. Infatuation can explode at any moment, but real love takes time.

2. Test of Knowledge
- Love grows out of an appraisal of all the known characteristics of the other person. Infatuation may grow out of an acquaintance with only one of these characteristics known about the other person. Love longs to know well. Love wants to study the other person's needs, desires, dreams, and hopes because it want to do everything to make them a reality. Love is interested, not in what it can get, but in what it can give. Infatuation quickly decides it knows everything it needs to know, Genuine love creates an atmosphere of such interest that the other person opens like a flower.

3. Test of Focus
- Genuine love is other-person centered. Infatuation is self-centered. In your most important relationships, to what degree is your attention focused on what you are receiving from them and to what degree is your attention focused on meeting the other's needs?

4. Test of Singularity
-Genuine love is focused on only one person. An infatuated individual may be "in love" with two or more persons simultaneously.
-Circumstances, changes, and mistakes add up to make relationships an enterprise of ongoing work.
- One of the side effects of stale times in a marriage is vulnerability to infatuation. The great majority of affairs rarely occur solely on the basis of physical attraction. They usually start out with a little chemistry during a time of vulnerability. But families break up because very good, godly people confuse infatuation with love and make foolish decisions. If you don't know the difference between infatuation and love, you'll destroy others' lives and your own.

5. Test of Security
-Genuine love requires and fosters a sense of security and feelings of trust. Security grows and flows out of deep awareness of the other person's character, values, and track record. You know who he or she really is. And when you know who they really are, you trust them. You are not jealous because you know their heart is yours. Jealousy is often a sign of a lack of trust, and a lack of trust is usually a sign of infatuation in real life.

6. Test of Work
- An individual in love works for the other person, for his or her mutual benefit. By contrast, an infatuated person loses his or her ambition, appetite, and interest in everyday affairs. When you love someone, you have an accurate appraisal of the relationship and you work at it. Infatuation lives off the relationship; love builds into the relationship.

7. Test of Problem Solving
-A couple in love faces problems frankly and tries to solve them. Infatuated people tend to disregard or try to ignore problems. Genuine love, contrary to popular belief, isn't blind. It sees very clearly. Infatuation, on the other side, exists almost completely in the dark.

8. Test of Distance
-Love knows the importance of distance. Infatuation imagines love to be intense closeness. 24/7, all the time. If there is not a sense of separateness, a distinct life, relationships with other people, and healthy balance, then the relationship is probably a lot more infatuation than it is love. Because genuine love is not based just on emotions, some distance will often let you know what it really in your heart.

9. Test of Physical Attraction
- Physical attraction is a relatively small part of genuine love, but it is the central focus of infatuation. Let's not make genuine love so spiritual that we deny reality and God's Word. Sexual attraction definitely has a part in love. However, our culture tells us that to take the shortest and quickest route to sexual fulfillment as the best way to find love. But that route is a destructive detour. By leaving out the other two foundational components of giving love and friendship love, we miss much of the fullness and sustainable aspects of physical attraction. Genuine love requires all three kinds of love, but physical attraction takes relatively smaller role when a couple is building a healthy relationship. Infatuation, however, makes physical attraction the very test of love itself. In infatuation, direct, continual, physical contact tends to be an end in and of itself. Time together requires only pleasurable experiences. Infatuation tends to produce a relationship that attempts to exist on the emotional equivalent of a continual sugar rush. People in genuine love aren't trying to get their own lustful fulfillment. Their words and actions tell the other, "I have your best interests in mind."
-What we have in our day is just the opposite. People are bonding physically before they even know each other and then trying to work through all the struggles that get bypassed along the way. The results are disastrous. People get wounded. Relationships disintegrate. People learn not to trust--the very foundation needed for love to grow.

10. Test of Affection
-In love affection is expressed later in the relationship, involving the external expression of the physical attraction. In infatuation affection is expressed earlier, sometimes at the very beginning. Affection tends to push toward greater and greater physical intimacy. It gives the appearance of making the relationship "close", but the closeness is artificial and fragile. When affection flows out of deep understanding and growing friendship, it gains in meaning and value.

11. Test of Stability
-Love tends to endure. Infatuation may change suddenly and unpredictably. Real love is stable. There is commitment. The best way to test stability in a new relationship comes through knowing that person in the context of his or her other relationships (parents, friends, and siblings).

12. Test of Delayed Gratification
- A couple in genuine love is not indifferent to the timing of their wedding, but they do not feel an irresistible drive toward it. An infatuated couple tends to feel an urge to get married--instantly. As you enter into a potentially serious relationship, ask yourself if your pace is based in fear or faith. Is your pace based on anxiety over deprivation and physical drives, or is your pace the result of a desire for careful and thorough preparation for marriage?

Conclusion

Love in a lasting relationship is not a long, gradual decline from the peak of our heady initial romance. Lasting love is more like standing where the ocean meets the shore--the waves keep coming in. Not every wave of emotion is the same, and that turns out to be very interesting and exciting. But it takes time and commitment to discover the wonder of a lasting relationship. Yes, the waves and tides ebb and flow. But when we know what love really is, we know that the waves and the tide will return. Work through the relational issues and enjoy the varied sounds and passions of the crashing or softly lapping surf. Too many people walk away from relationships without ever getting their feet wet!

Many people make the mistake of thinking that real love is like a swimming pool--something they fall or jump into. Rather than having the dynamic and varied experience of the oceanfront love, they leap right into the deep end of the pool, thinking that strong feelings, light-headed-ness, and physical attraction must be sure signs of love. They discover sooner or later that a great desire to swim doesn't mean much if we've never learned how to swim.

No guaranteed tomorrow...

I was in a motorcycle accident Friday Night (Aug.24). I was riding with my friend Bill and a couple of his friends down Monticello Road around 8:15 - 8:20 at night. Bill and I were leading the pack going about 60mi/hr in a 55 when a dog ran out about 10 feet in front of us and stopped. We hit it right down the middle. I remember the dog yelping and seeing myself flying into the oncoming traffic side of the road. I can remember hitting my head repeatedly with each roll and seeing head lights with each flip. Later on I discovered that I had actually flipped over 120 yards down the road (that's a football field- Go Colts!) . I stayed conscious by God's grace and ran off the road as soon as I came to a halt. I learned after the fact that that saved me from being run over by one of the other riders. That night God spared my life. He has ordained my days and that was not it. There is no other explanations than that. I have no broken bones or bruises I have road rash down my right arm and that is it. Praise God!!

....
I work at a small personal training studio with a staff of about 11. We are like a family. We love and care about each other very much. Sunday night (Sept 3) one of my friends and co-workers Kari Smith was killed in a boating accident. She was an absolutely beautiful girl with a curious smile and a warm face. She was a sweetheart and would do any thing for you in a minute. However, she was unsure of her faith and God.

We closed the gym for a day out of respect for Kari and then had to continue on. It was so weird to train and her not be there, to break down and have to push through the tears. To have clients come in who are broke too and keep them motivated. Situations like these I praise God for the strength and the peace that He gives me for I couldn't do it without Him.

...
Life is short. We only get one. I completely believe that God is all sovereign and He has ordained our days. Friday was not my day but for some reason only known to God at this present moment it was Kari's. God is good and I know that to be true. He will be glorified through her death. Life sucks sometimes and their is no getting around it. However, I hope and pray that we come to the realization that everyday and every breath is a gift. Our maker has created us to bring HIM glory and to enjoy Him. Who are we living for... Ourselves or God??

God thank you for giving me your strength. Help me to continue to trust you!

Okay here's an update...

- Friday: I went with some friends to hear Jeremy Camp... It was amazing. To be completely honest I was blown away at the number of songs that I knew, but yet didn't know they were his. However, I am now a huge fan. Jeremy was real and transparent. The whole concert was extremely refreshing.
* He challenged us to soften our hearts.

- Saturday: I helped the family clean the house. It amazed me as I cleaned how easy it is for me to clean other peoples places and find joy in it and how grudgingly I clean my parents house. Then I started thinking about all the mission trips I have been on and all the manual labor I have done. Why can I work my tail end off for a stranger but wrestle with helping my dad dig a foundation (for a cement pad that is intended for my dog). Later on that day I went to a wedding with my friend Paul it was a lot of fun. However, God really convicted me on my judgemental heart. I worry so much about what other people are doing and not where their heart is. I get so caught up in doing what is right and not on where my heart is. I have become complacent and self righteous. How did I get here again. I am such a Pharisee.
* God please soften this selfish heart.

- Sunday: I bought my Daddy a BB gun for Father's Day. He loved it. My dad and my dog, Toby went squirrel hunting all morning before church.

Church was incredible this morning. It was on having a compassionate heart for the poor, orphans, widows, and others who are in need and being a living sacrifice. Later on I went to Midtown Fellowship and the message their dovetailed with the one I heard this morning. It was about living out compassion. Letting God be Lord of your heart and wealth. God reminded me of the heart he gave me. I don't want to be rich. I don't want a fancy house or even a nice car. I don't want to live comfortably. I just want to serve others. I want to help those who can't help themselves. For the first time in a while I have started to really question my current career choice. So today I started looking into helping at some homeless shelters. Who knows. God does... and I will rest in that.
* Praying for Compassion.

Oh... P.S. I finally got rid of Facebook. It was hard but I just had to. I was wasting way to much time and stalking friends.

... No more roller coasters... I am tired of trying to figure it all out. Its in God's hands and whatever happens. Happens.

God of Suffering

... I have really been struggling with God suffering. I know that He does.. I know our sin makes him sad and believe He suffered greatly when he endured the cross and when his children turn their gaze from Him. But He is God... I think sometimes I just slip into believing that suffering is a sign of weakness but its not at all. Its a sign of strength. But I think a lot of people have that same misconception... that "How can the God of the universe fill pain or suffer", because wouldn't that show that we have power over him if we can cause Him pain??? NO... because He endured the sufferings and overcame them. We know that He victorious, for he has already overcame death. His suffering shows LOVE AND MERCY and GRACE.
One of my friends explained it as a parent with their child. The parent bore that child (created it) and loves the child wholeheartedly but when the child begins to walk even though the parent knows the child will walk one day. He rejoices when it happens. And he knows that their with be days when his child rebels against him but when it happens it still causes pain and still hurts. God knew that he was going to send Jesus to die on the cross for our sins, it was apart of His will. But it he still suffered with His son. He knows our sins before we do them but when we do them its still makes him sad.

I praise God for not wiping me out for daily causing Him pain and suffering. God you are my Creator, Maker, Savior, Redeemer, and Father. Help me be willing to suffer you.

Let all that I am praise the Lord!

Psalm 103

Let all that I am praise the Lord;
with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
Let all that I am praise the Lord;
may I never forget the good things he does for me.
He forgives all my sins
and heals all my diseases.
He redeems me for death
and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
He fills my life with good things.
My youth is renewed like the eagle's!

The Lord give righteousness
and justice to all who are treated unfairly

He revealed his character to Moses
and his deeds to the people of Israel.
The Lord is compassionate and merciful,
slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
He will not constantly accuse us,
nor remain angry forever.
He does not punish us for all our sins;
he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
He has removed our sins as far from us
as the east is from the west.
The Lord is like a father to his children,
tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
For he knows how weak we are;
he remembers we are only dust.
Our days on earth are like grass;
like wildflowers, we bloom and die.
The wind blows, and we are gone--
as though we had never been here.
But the love of the Lord remains forever
with those who fear him.
His salvation extends to the children's children
of those who are faithful to his covenant.
of those who obey his commandments!

The Lord has made the heavens his throne;
from there he rules over everthing.

Praise the Lord, you angels,
you might ones who carry out his plans,
listening for each of his commands.
Yes, praise the Lord, you armies of angels
who serve him and do his will!
Praise the Lord, everything he has created,
everything in all his kingdom.

LET ALL THAT I AM PRAISE THE LORD!!!

Somethings has got to give...

I put this picture here because this is so often my attitude. It's all about me.

...Today has been on of those days that you realize how poopy you really are. It's one of those days that you become completely aware of your sin and selfishness. One of those days that you see every area that you are lacking and wish for the sake of everyone around you that you could just leave.

When I woke up this morning I looked back over the "excellent lover" entry and was disgusted at how many "I"s , "me"s, and "my"s were in it. 19 "I"s ... 11 "me"s... and 6 "my"s. The first thing that one needs to learn about becoming and excellent lover is that their can't be any I's, me's or my's . It has to be all Him and all about them.

Sorry for being selfish! Thanks for still loving me!

p.s. Some of the words are underlined and if different colors... but I don't know why and I couldn't get it to change.