1 Corinthians 9:24-27

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight life a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

Fear and Trembling

God calls us in Philippians 2:12 to continue to work out our salvation with fear and trembling.

I have been a believer... or I guess you could say God's been working out my salvation for as long as I can remember. I grew up under amazing pastors/teachers of God's word and parents who took their role of binding the Word of God to their children's hearts very seriously. In all these things, I praise God for the blessing of allowing me to know Him and be rooted in Him at a very young age.

However, since I supposedly new all the right answers from memory and some from heart, I feared asking questions. To me, to question meant that I didn't love God enough or that I didn't believe God enough. To raise tough questions meant, in my thinking at the time, that I must not really be a believer.... so for years I just ignored the hard questions and refused to question anything... and all answers were just what I knew I was suppose to say. Then, I went to college, and my whole world started to shatter with different life struggles. During this time I decided to switch majors to Christian Ministries, thinking that it would be safe and encouraging to my faith (I didn't do it for that reason alone but I thought it couldn't hurt). Unfortunately or maybe fortunately every professor decided to play devils avocate. I began to question everything that I ever believed, every scripture, my own heart, and even the very truths of God. It was a hard time but an extremely fruitful one in hind sight.

See, I believe God wants us to ask tough questions. I believe no matter how long we know Him, He always wants us to ask questions about Him. Because it is in these question that we learn more about His character and it is through wrestling with our Creator that we see how small we actually are in comparison to Him. It is the same with every relationship the more you seek to know about a person the closer you get them. The more I ask God questions and seek His Word ( His truth) the more intimate and in love I become with Him, and the more He opens my eyes to His beauty and grace.

Higher Ways!

Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Today has just been one of those good yet frustrating days. You know the kind, when your mind is running wild and you can't shut it off. When you are full of questions and lacking answers... and the only answers God gives, seem to lack our worldly satisfaction.

For example... I have been reading through Numbers and Deuteronomy the last couple of weeks and have come to the part where God has finally given the Israelites the go ahead to take over the promise land of Canaan. God has appointed Joshua the leader/ commander over the Israelites and has commanded them to completely wipe out 7 NATIONS of people, killing all men, women, and children (We are talking about 7 nations that are each larger and stronger than the Israelite nation... we are talking 100's of 1000's of people here). This is not a suggestion but a command by God and when it is not followed to a "T", the Israelites are punished. Now here is a question that I continually get asked and have been wrestling with myself "we call God loving but how could a loving God kill Innocent children, or wipe out whole nations"? God somewhat answers this question in Deuteronomy 7. I challenge you to please go to this scripture and read it for yourselves b/c it is good, tough, but good and I cannot do its explanation justice. The reasons for killing all the people :

1. God commanded it! Deut. 7:3
   
2. God is a Holy God!
   
3. These nations were wicked and worshipped false gods. If the children were spared they would have grown up to hate Israel and God for what He commanded them to do to their parents and would have tried to destroy the Israelites.
   
4. Children of Israel would have been lead away to worship false gods if they would have spared anyone. Then, God would have destroyed Israelites too. Deut 7:4
   
5. God is God and we are not. Who are we to question the methods of our Maker. Yet, even though we question He shows us mercy to understand even though maybe not fully.
   

Why did God spare the Israelites? Were they not wicked and turn away multiple times? Why did he continue to spare them from His wrath and not others?

1. They were God's chosen people. Deut 7:6-8 Why? " The Lord did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other people, for you were the fewest of all peoples. But its was because the Lord loved you..." But why did God love them? Because He choose to.
   
2. God saved the Israelites because he had made and oath with Abraham Deut. 7:8-9. God is faithful to His word.
   
3. There is nothing that they did to merit that love... there is NOTHING that WE DO to MERIT HIS LOVE. God calls the Israelites to follow His commands and to love Him wholeheartedly and He will bless them and keep His covenant of love for a 1,000 generations. (1,000 in the Bible is a number that symbolizes completion... I believe that is what God is saying here as well. That I will carry out His covenant till the end.)
   

I know that these aren't the best answers and don't even begin to answer all the questions but.... for some reason in my own heart they bring some clarity. God is not just a God of love but also He is a just and holy God. We cannot understand Him because we can not understand Him with our finite minds. Wrath and Love don't mix. Justice and Grace/ Mercy don't mix. However, our God is all of them.

I'm New

... Okay soo I am extremely new at this, but I had a very wise and smart person tell me that it would be beneficial for me to journal my thoughts down soo here goes nothing.

P.S. (I don't think you can P.S at the begining can you? ) well this is my blog and I do what I want.

P.S.S. I'm NEW!


There is soo much I want to write that I don't even know where to begin. I guess I will start with telling you alittle about who I am and where I am at in life (not location wise of course).

My name is Mary. I am 23 years old and I am in that weird transition period of just graduating from college/ getting thrown into the work force/ moving back home and coming out of a 2 yr slum in my relationship with God in which He has renewed my love, passion and desire to seek after Him.

I would love to talk more but I really have to go... I will write soon. Forgive this first one... I'm New!